by Anastasya Eliseeva


Lately I've noticed that I might be becoming more – and I hate the term - 'fundamentalist' in my approach to veganism and the debates and arguments surrounding it. My primary belief has always been, and still is, that the only thing I hold higher than my many strong principles is the fact that everyone else has their own. No-one is perfect and it takes all sorts to make up this planet, and thus we must all respect each other's ways.
So why is my approach getting so much harder? Here are some thoughts:

I came to Veganism - much like most of us - for emotional reasons. I empathized with all living beings and wanted to be as little a part as possible of the harm caused to them.

It was very important for me to discuss my choices with people and answer their questions, hopefully positively influencing some minds, and so I read up a lot and intellectualized a lot. I argued veganism from the point of logic:

1. Ecology - the negative impact it has on the planet in terms of pollution, within deforestation, for instance, being a leading cause of global warming.
2. Health - how humans are not designed to eat meat or dairy and how the nutrients we get from them can be easily obtained from elsewhere with less health risks.
3. Economics - since it takes far less resources to grow crops for direct human consumption than to grow crops to feed animals bred for human consumption, a plant-based diet is a much more suitable lifestyle in light of global poverty.

On the logical front, veganism is a giant part of, and metaphor for, all the things I fight for in other areas of my life: liberation, abolishing capitalism, eliminating poverty, saving nature. This why veganism is such a huge part of who I am.

However I think that, for a while, I've almost completely cut emotion out of my veganism, which is a pity - emotion is what usually gets us there in the first place. Avoiding emotion is making my mind ill because it means I'm in denial of the simple truth that when a meat-eater looks at a piece of meat, they see food. I see death. I see torture. I see pain. I see something that goes against the grain of my very being.

Why can I not offer the same respect to other people's choices as I expect for mine? Well I try, but the problem is that my veganism is actually a choice; not for my own sake or any personal gain, but for the planet, for other beings. Eating meat is not really a choice for most, but rather just something they like. It's aimed at personal pleasure, taste rather than any greater good. I have to accept it. I just don't feel it deserves any respect. Plus, let's face it: I am (maybe naively so, but I am ok with this) trying to save the planet while other people are busy eating it!

In personal situations it's hardest. With partners and friends I tend to be quite honest about my views; in intimate situations it's especially hard for me to contain the way meat affects me. I see no point in keeping my mouth shut, as this seems less than honest. And anything less than honest is not a real human connection for me.

So you can imagine how hard this makes things for me. I struggle to share kitchens. I struggle to share heart space. I evoke a lot of anger and end up feeling isolated from the people I get close to. In return I get angry too, and it's not something I can control. I upset people. I get upset. Being able to have basic respect but also the ability to be open and honest seems like an impossibility to me, especially given how opposed my ways are to those of others. Mostly I just feel like there is a barrier between me and the world close to me, and this barrier forms a huge part of who I am. I see no way around it: I can't expect others to change, nor do I feel I must bite my tongue and live a half life, never really getting close to anyone.

There's one thing I do know for sure though: I value life and I value the world, and because of this I value my choices. I will hold onto them with pride, no matter what.